News flash:  I am a fairly competitive person.  I like to be the best I can be at whatever I do.  I am driven and self-motivated.  I am also a huge sports fan and I tend to like it when my team wins.   (Doesn’t everybody?)  I feel accomplished reaching goals.  I am a bit type A and I tend to overcommit myself to do more than I should.  But, amazingly, I feel pretty good about juggling it all.

How my competitive traits translate into motherhood has been interesting.  No, I’m not one of “those” parents yelling from the sideline or bad mouthing refs.  I’m actually fairly quiet on the sidelines.  But, I still like to win.  And on the sidelines, I might look just a little like Ally Raisman’s parents watching their daughter perform in the 2012 Olympics.  (If you haven’t seen that video, google it—hilarious!)  I’m also not a parent who is trying to live my life through my kids.  At all.  However, I have given my kids the opportunity to try anything that sparks an interest.

I understand my oldest child quite well.  He is driven and motivated.  Things comes fairly easy for him; one of those kids who is good at most everything he touches.  He likes to win but also gets motivated after a setback.  As a swimmer, he was obsessed with his times and combed through heat sheets to see where he was seeded and to discover who he needed to beat.  He stalked the results board to look at his official times and his emotions would follow those results.  He plays competitive basketball, baseball and club team soccer.  Try-outs are something he looks forward to and takes seriously.  Yep, I “get” that kid.  He is a classic motivated by the carrot kind of rabbit.

On the other hand, I am still discovering my 10 year old daughter.  She has always played sports.  Maybe because that’s just the way it is in our family.  But she has never had the drive and passion of my son as it relates to “winning”.  While she swims and plays basketball and soccer, she has also tried her hand at gymnastics, softball, ballet, tap, jazz, hip-hop, pottery classes, acting, improv, piano, and horseback riding.  I’m certain I’ve missed a thing or two.  I must admit, I have been a little obsessed with helping her find her “thing”.  It was so much easier with my son.

At swim meets, while I have pen and highlighter in hand, my daughter doesn’t even look at the heat sheet.  She doesn’t look at her times.  She doesn’t collect her ribbons at the end of the meet: “I’ll just pick them up in my folder next week, mom.”  And, she’s not really disappointed in a 6th place ribbon or no ribbon at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a fire in her belly periodically.  She has been motivated when someone gets in her space and she has the drive to win the ball on the field.  (She especially likes winning the ball from a boy; we call that “getting chicked”.)  I have also seen her disappointment and I have wiped her tears … in not making an A relay or a club soccer team.  But she has an amazing way of letting things go fairly quickly and getting back up with grace and confidence.  “I’ll just try out again next year, mom.”  Or, “Guess I’ll just have to crush it on the B relay.”  She moves on.  She has generosity of spirit and a gift for just being herself.  I am starting to “get” this girl.

Here’s what I’ve learned from my daughter in the past year.

• Rebound.  I am a believer that character is revealed more by how we get back up, than by how we fall down.
• Joy comes from living, not from winning.
• Life is nothing if it isn’t full of experiences.
• Kids find their own way. As a mom, I am doing my best to be present and connected.
• The student becomes the teacher.